A&E nursing, yoga teaching and the art of zen

So as a yoga teacher and someone who practices yoga everyday i am totally chilled out and fully "zenned" out all the time right?!?! As much as i would love that to be the case it is not. You can ask just about anyone from my fiancee to the porters at work and they will tell you that i am a very laid back (kinda horizontal or maybe worse at times) and i can pretty much be found with a a little dance in my set or a sing to whistle on my lips, but of late i have found that all my daily yoga practice and regular teaching isn't really helping me remain all that chilled and laid back.

I am exhausted, i have found that there appears to be a very large wall in front of me of late and i have hit it and continue to hit most days. I am currently working near on 40 hours a week of mixed shifts including nights, weekends, 10am-10pm etc etc and on top of this my yoga teaching life as picked up to the stage that i am teaching 10-12 classes a week in and around ipswich and suffolk with more potential classes coming. Now don't get me wrong, this is the best news i could possibly ask for. In under 18 months i have taken my little classes from 1 a week with 6-10 people to sometimes 12 a week with numbers of up to 24 in a class. But life is coming to the stage where something has to give

I was working in accident and emergency a few days ago and was told that i really needed to learn to smile and not let things bother me so much. i was about 8 or 9 hours into a 12 hour day and it had been BUSY. This kinda got me thinking about peoples perception of the chilled out yogi/yogini. Whilst i was in india and was meditating for 60-90 minutes a morning on the beach with my guruji, Upendra, and my dear dear friend Cathe (i still miss you and wish i could have got to head to the himalayas with you), and had not a worry in the world then yes i honestly cannot say i could have been more chilled out and relaxed, but unfortunately this "real" world that us westerners have built for ourselves in which work is placed so high in importance and being happy and humane with those people we interact with either daily or in one off meetings is seen less important has totally drained it from me.

I have been looking at the important things in my life over the last few months as i have become busier and tireder and have come to the conclusion that something has to give. I am so busy right now that to get in my own practice time (which i see as being totally key if i am going to ever be a remotely half decent teacher) i have to get up at at least 5am and then sometimes be up and awake until 10-11pm, so i feel i am having to choose between yoga practice (and yes that is meditation/pranayama and asana) and having time to actually sleep. So after my wedding in October i am going to attempt to re-find my zen and my happier more cheerful self (i'm pretty certain my soon to be wife will also be happy with this too) and cut my hours at work to two days a week in A&E and double down my focus to be the best yoga teacher i can. More time to dedicate to my self and my students and my family and friends. 


So next time you are feeling stressed at home or work or anywhere you find your self, please remind your self that even us yoga lot who spend their loves trying to practice non-attachment and to stay present with their mindful breath, that we all fail at it on a daily basis, we are lucky that maybe we remind ourselves to notice when we fail at it, but we still get exhausted, grumpy, short and told to cheer up and smile while at work.